So many people ask me this and it saddens me that something that gives so much pleasure can be internalised as a guilty secret or problem…with that in mind I have written a few words for you to cast your eyes over.
No one clearly knows why individuals develop certain fetishes. I have worked, talked and played with psychotherapists, psychologists and counsellors who are interested in the subject of BDSM -some specialists can find trigger points/events in a person’s past that cause them to develop sexual kinks later in life; for example a pre-pubescent boy who got tied up by his contemporary female class mates in a school yard play of cowboys and Indians ,may, later on in life develop a fantasy of being over powered by a dominant woman and being tied up….However, other sex therapists and specialists have found no correlation of past events triggering an individuals need for a sexual kink or fetish……it has just developed as the person has grown older ,become more inquisitive, open minded and more confident with whom she or he is. What I am going to tell you about fetishes and kinks , while they are shocking to those who don’t indulge in them or understand them, is that they are in no way uncommon-far from it! Over 100 million copies of Fifty Shades of Grey have been sold, Suppliers of sex toys, bondage gear and equipment have doubled their profits this year. Love Honey, the major supplier of sex toys and bondage gear now advertises on mainstream TV and Ann Summers has been in the High Street for Years….
SO! WHEN ARE WE GOING TO GET IT?
OR WHEN WILL SOCIETY ACCEPT IT?
-WE BRITS LOVE KINKY PLAY- and, as far as I can see, its healthy, fun and pretty damn normal!!!
It is about time society put BDSM, kinky sex and exploring ones alter ego into perspective!
For twenty years I have had solicitors, dentists, doctors, sales people, entrepreneur’s, council workers, dustmen, unemployed, fathers, mothers, grand-dads, sons, policemen, mayors, members of parliament, actors, pilots, shop workers, delivery men, surgeons and postmen….make appointments to see me so they can discuss ,explore and experience alternative kinky play.
All of my clients have come from functional, normal backgrounds. They make a conscious decision to take several hours out of their daily routine to escape reality, which, let’s face it can get quite tedious, stressful and mundane! After their time spent with me they step back to reality and get on with their life again- less stressed, calmer, relaxed and invigorated. They are NOT having an affair or penetrative sex, they do NOT have to go back or have an emotional involvement/attachment with the professional lady they have chosen to visit. The play they have experienced, disclosed and explored is completely confidential, no one is going to tell the outside world what they have done. It’s a bit like taking a super car around the track on a track day package. Great fun, mind blowing, but you can hand the keys back and have no responsibility of the running costs and simply walk away saying you’ve EXPERIENCED it ! If you want to do it again you can…if not, well then, never mind ….you have at least experienced something different!
BDSM, unfortunately has been the abbreviation/term generally used to cover the complex myriad of alternative kinky sexual games that people indulge in. BDSM instantly conjures up a dark world of whips and chains, dungeons and pain, PVC clad woman with peak caps and chains……nothing wrong with that I know ,however there is so much MORE to this world of fetish and domination than that.
As a result of the general public’s lack of knowledge and perception of BDSM, non-participants pathologize it-
BDSM is not a psychological disorder-it is a voyage of erotic discovery and sexual empowerment and enlightenment. BDSM can be gentle, erotic, beautiful, passionate, sexual, sublime, artistic, out of this world, the list goes on for ever….BDSM is the mind wanting to explore its fantasy.
BDSM is not just about inducing a state of continual pain-it is about inducing a state of mind blowing euphoria through the use of props and clothes, fantasy settings and erotic fantasy talk. It is the alternate route to heightened extended orgasmic pleasure .BDSM covers such a vast array of themes, genres, levels ,styles and interpretations that it is impossible to list. Everyone is unique with their fantasy or fetish so the spectrum of BDSM has an infinite quality to it.
The ultimate sexual gift any partner, lover or player can give to another person is to listen to their fantasies and be open minded enough to explore them
So, from my perspective -YES it is perfectly normal to participate in consensual, erotic, kinky BDSM fetish and role play games as long as they are within sane, safe boundaries (these boundaries of course can be pushed if consent is given to induce an edge play environment) . However- if someone requested an appointment that involved beating, heavy marking, cutting, under age play, violent acts of depravity , extreme humiliation or an act that could be life threatening then clearly I would say NO and I am NOT an advocate of these acts.
As with anything in life-always apply common sense.
With all this in mind-embrace your fetish and fantasy-love your fetish and fantasy-don’t turn it into a problem turn it into a pleasure. Use it as a therapy and an escape from reality, a box you can take the lid off and use when you want to. Of all the individuals I have met I can confirm that 99% of the fantasy requests I receive and enact are what I would class as normal, and, they allow an individual to have a much better quality of life and understanding of themselves.